I have lived an interesting life. Filled with extraordinary stories, meeting interesting characters, resulting in many twists and turns — with much more life to be lived. But nothing can ever prepare you for becoming a parent…so, I let me share my six key insights of this journey so far.
- Support from family is invaluable
It takes a village to raise a child. Truly. Having a supportive family is extremely invaluable — from parenthood advice, assisting with the day-to-day upbringing of the child to witnessing your family members falling in love with your baby (well, their child too) are all beautiful experiences to witness.
As young-ish parents ourselves, our parents and siblings realise that we don’t have everything figured out about parenthood and to have everyone commit and assume their roles in our lives, as well as our daughter’s, makes this journey more worthwhile. - Google helps. But experience is better
Shortly after her birth, I was extremely hands-on with bonding, feeding, bathing, putting her to sleep and all things associated with bringing up a newborn. I enjoy every minute of it because our daughter makes it easy…most of the time.
Anytime some things never went to plan (like her not sleeping well, medications to take when she’s not feeling ill, etc.), we would go into a mini-panic and consult Google — so much so, that her parents would call us “Batswadi ba Google” (which means “Google Parents” in SeTswana) jokingly and offer advice where fit. As I mentioned previously, we do not have this parenthood thing figured out and one needs to be teachable in order to apply some of the lessons your parents had with raising you. Of course, not all advice applies. Some advice is outdated. And others are just old wives’ tales. But still, use their experience, adjust some of their suggestions to suit the baby and use your discretion as far as the baby’s upbringing is concerned. Google doesn’t have all the answers, but for the most part, your parents are most probably wiser - Support your partner
If you are lucky enough to raise your child together, as a couple, then by all means, please assume and play your role accordingly. I am extremely active in the day-to-day maintenance and upbringing of our child. Gone are the days where patriarchy reined supreme and men were not so actively involved in the parenting of a child — almost occupying a mere “ceremonial role”.
Be there for your partner. Get involved in the various child-rearing tasks and ultimately build a bond with your baby. We mainly work together, interchanging on various duties concerned but we also have a schedule which allows us intervals to rest or to get work done, while the other picks up the slack. However you decide to do it, ensure that you are highly involved and a present father for your partner and child.
In the case that you are a single parent, don’t be afraid ask and/or accept support and assistance from friends and family. They have your best interests at heart - Kids are f***ing expensive!
I repeat: Kids are f***ing expensive! Never mind the everyday needs of a baby (food and clothing, amongst many others), the most hectic costs we’ve encountered so far are the doctor(s) and hospital bills. If you don’t have a medical (aid) plan in place, you will be dealing with exorbitant medical fees, depending on the type of birth and the hospital chosen. Luckily, we have good cover and had a successful birth at a private facility.
Of course, most of the above advice does not apply to individuals who are ready and trying for a child (which I would assume are in a better financial position), but for those who aren’t: Kids are f***ing expensive! Do your research, listen/talk to other parents and get concrete medical plan in place (not just for the birth, but medical cover for the baby too). - Ditch the “one-size-fits-all” approach
There is plenty of advice on the internet and in this day and age, most of us can be classified as “Google Parents”. In the same way that it is not advised to Google your symptoms if you are feeling ill, be wary to take the advice online with a pinch of salt as well.
Like people, your child is unique. They have a unique set of needs/wants and need a tailored approach by the parents to suit their upbringing. Conduct your research diligently, ask questions from your parents/friends (with kids of course) and paediatric specialists should you encounter any challenges with your baby. Chances are, using the above suggestion, you’ll fare far better than using a internet-based generic approach to your parenting. - The truest, purest love of all
I was in the delivery room with my partner when our daughter arrived. I heard her first cries, cut her umbilical cord and saw her open her eyes for the first time — amongst many others that moved me in ways that I never felt before. Shortly after her birth, people asked me, “So? How does it feel to be a father?”. To which I respond: “I get it now”.
That’s it. I truly get it. Being a parent is the truest and purest love of all (at least, for us). I understand how my parents feel about me and I feel the same for my baby girl. It’s amazing to watch someone grow before your eyes and develop a bond that will span a lifetime. It’s difficult to explain, but this is a whole ‘nother level of love and adoration.
Understandably, there are parents who, for various reasons, will not be able to relate to this topic. But for those who do — I guarantee its a feeling that one has never experienced before and I am here for all of it.
Our journey is still quite young and there are many more stages ahead and there’s a comfort in knowing that you aren’t involved in your child’s upbringing alone. Embrace the challenges and successes along this journey — it is honestly fulfilling
